The soft warm rays of the early morning Sun filtered into the room through the soft blue curtains.

Spooning Chandini from behind like he had been since the night of their wedding, Advay watched her hair and her skin glow in the soft golden rays of the early morning Sun. She looked exhausted yet peaceful. Her chest rising and falling softly in sync with his heartbeat.

Early mornings had recently become his favourite time of the day. And watching her lying peacefully in his arms, revelling in the warmth of his chest, had to be the best part of it.

“Chandini,’ He sighed to himself, the only fleck of light in his dark heart.

He kissed her again on her cheek, losing count of how many times he had kissed her through the night, of how many times he had apologised, for what he had done to her the previous night and for everything else too.

He pinched his brows. Sleep had evaded him again, as he had watched her all night like a hawk. Thankfully she had slept through the night without the need of a painkiller to help her deal with the pain. Her endurance both impressed him and surprised him. She was no longer the Chandini of his childhood, who would bawl her eyes out for every little prick and prod.

He glanced at the clock again, it was a little over eight, he could take a quick nap for an hour and get in late for work. He rested his cheek against hers again and closed his eyes.

Chandini whimpered softly to herself and shifted ever so slightly in the bed. Something heavy and hot weighed her down as always. She squinted her eyes to the window and closed it immediately. The sharps blinding light of the late morning sun bothered her eyes.

Exhaustion hit her first, followed by a tug in her belly. She whimpered again.

“Chandini,’ A smile kissed her lips at the warm whisper in her ears. “Wake up my beautiful.’

She whimpered again in response to the warmth in the voice that only cooed her back to sleep.

“Chandini.’

She blinked her heavy lids and squinted her eyes. Advay held his hand over her eyes, shielding her from the piercing rays of the Sun. She whimpered and leaned back in his chest.

“Chandini,’ He whispered, “wake up my beautiful. It’s almost ten. I need to go to work.’

Ten. Really? In the morning. She shot her eyes open in a snap. This had to be the latest she had ever woken up in her life. This was shameful. Embarrassing. Thank goodness, she didn’t have a mother-in-law. She sighed to herself with a weak smile.

“Why that pretty smile?’ He asked, brushing his lips against her mouth.

Her reply was a mumbled whisper, her mind still unable to form coherent words.

“What?’ He said, nipping softly at her lip.

She sighed weakly.

“Wake up,’ He said, helping her lean back on the cushions he had propped up behind her, “I need to ensure you are fine before I leave.’

“I am fine,’ She breathed heavily. Only that she wasn’t. She felt weak. She felt low. She leaned into him.

He held a glass of water first to her lips, followed by orange juice and a painkiller. Chandini gulped everything down without a protest. Her body felt sore and raw. But it was the wave of emptiness that hit her hard.

Finally, he handed her a cup of tea. But she found it impossible to lift her hands. Like they were made of jelly and would flop back as soon as she lifted them. She let them rest at her sides and rested her head on Advay’s chest instead.

Advay held her tea to her lips, helping her sip one it while he himself sipped on his third cup of coffee. Chandini sighed, his perfume blended with the strong bitter coffee on his lips was enough to send her head spinning. Her body hurt everywhere like it did every day, but something was different today. The void in her belly was growing by the minute.

“Don’t go,’ She breathed.

“Hmm.’

“Don’t leave me.’

Hot tears trickled down the corners of her eyes and into his crisp white cotton shirt. She still felt empty and hollow.

“I feel hollow. Empty.”

“I see.’ His voice was grim, “You need to eat. Get something into your system, so you feel better.’

“Please stay. Hold me.’

He wrapped her arms tighter around her and fed her a piece of chocolate.

Chandini nibbled silently as hot streams of tears rolled down her cheek. The pain was bearable but the emptiness was gnawing her insides.

“Stay,’

“I am here,’ He tightened his grip around her and took her mouth into his for a soft tender kiss.

Gazing into his eyes, and caressing his forehead, she blushed to herself as the memories of the previous night flashed before her. Memories of losing herself into his dark chocolate eyes. She knew she had long fallen for him, but last night was the first time she felt losing a part of herself to him forever.

“What?’

“Last night.’ She breathed.

Advay closed his eyes for a brief moment. Last night…the word pricked like a painful thorn. One he would have to weed out before it hurt her further.

“I am sorry about last night, Chandini.’ He finally opened his eyes and held her gaze.

“Why?’

“Sorry, I was rough.” Unspeakably rough, he wanted to add.

“Last night was perfect.’

“What?” He blinked slowly, allowing her words to sink in.

“I saw it in your eyes last night.”

“Saw what?’ The beast within me, he wanted to ask. Or the true face of the monster you are married to.

“My pain does excite you.” She smiled, despite tears glistening in her eyes, “and it felt good.”

“What felt good?” Surprise or shock or guilt, he wasn’t sure what his him first. But he did feel a punch somewhere below his belt.

“Felt good to know I could please you.’

“Chandini.’

Her fingers caressed his forehead again, as though smoothing out the creases forming on them.

“You look different today,” She smiled in adoration, “you looked relaxed, younger.’

Advay closed his eyes and sighed. He did feel better after their intense session. Did feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder.

“Are you relaxed?’

“Hmm.’

“Was it because of last night?’

“Yes.’

“How?’

“I haven’t done that in a very long time,’ He sighed, regretting that he hadn’t stopped himself from going all the way through, “I have been holding on to a lot. I needed a release.”

“How long?’

“Almost a year now.’ Or maybe more. Ever since he had seen her picture he had refrained himself from playing with others. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his head. And now that she was here, he didn’t know if he could hold on to himself anymore.

“Hence why it feels good.’ She whispered, “Feels good to know I could help you relax.’

He smiled.

A sigh escaped her lips as soon as his smile reached his eyes. It had been long time since he had smiled at her like this. She could do anything to have him smile like this —forever.

She stroked her fingers on his lips, tracing a line of his mouth and frowned to herself.

“What?” He kissed the palm of her hand, “why that crease on your pretty face?’

“Your smile.’

“Hmm.’

“It reminds me of someone,’ A tear slid down her cheek, “it touches me somewhere deep.’

Advay nodded to himself wryly. Hence why he always hid his smile behind his beard. So, she wouldn’t realise who it reminded her of. Although who would it remind her of? His mother or Dev, he wasn’t sure.

“Must you go to work today.’ She almost pleaded him to stay.

“Hmm…No…not really,’

“Please stay. Please don’t leave me.’

“Okay,’ He picked his phone and dialled a number, “I’ll tell them I won’t be coming in.’

Chandini rested her head on his chest while Advay informed his team telling them where to find him if they needed him.

“What’s wrong with me?’ She whispered, once he put the phone down, “Why do I feel this low?’

“It happens after an intense session,’ He said, “You ride very high sensations and then you drop. This is a drop you are experiencing. It’s quite common. But I am here for you. Holding you tight. Go back to sleep if you need to.’

But she didn’t need sleep. She needed his kisses. Lifting her gaze up from where she rested her head on his shoulder, she watched his tantalising mouth that was just a kiss away. All she had to do was tilt her face and brush her lips to his.

Her eyes flickered from his mouth to his eyes. Her hunger evident in her gaze. She wanted his mouth on hers. But no sooner had the thought crossed her mind his lips crushed onto hers for a long deep passionate kiss. She breathed a sigh.

A blissful start to yet another perfect day.

Finally, after having eaten two bars of chocolate, three slices of buttered toast with jam, three glasses of orange juice and two cups of tea, she could move her limbs without the need to lean on him.

“Feeling better?’ He asked, helping her to her feet.

She nodded. The pain wasn’t so bad and the emptiness too seemed to have lessened. But she needed him beside her, nevertheless.

“Will you shower by yourself or do you need me to help you?’

“I’ll be fine,’ She smiled, although the idea of having him shower her sent ripples of current between her legs. But her insides were sore and her heart was too exhausted to handle standing naked under a hot shower as well as his intense lusty gaze.

Picking the bag, she had packed the previous day, she fidgeted and frowned to herself.

“What’s wrong?’

“I can’t find my tooth brush.’

“Hmm’

“I must have forgotten to pack it. It should be in the bathroom,’ She said, “I’ll go get it.’

“Now wait,’ He said urgently, “the builders are working in your room right now.’

Deliberating for a moment, he said, “Let me go get it for you.”

__

Once inside his bathroom, Chandini washed her face and scanned the room while she waited for him to get her brush. It had been a while since she had been here. It was a decent sized bathroom, not as big as hers. But the full-length mirror in front of the shower had always intrigued her. She giggled at her reflection in the mirror.

Why had Dev needed a full-length mirror in his bathroom, totally defeated her logic. This room had been his den, his study, the one place he hid from everyone. But the full-length mirror clearly made no sense. Would he admire himself while having a shower, she giggled at the thought? He was a strange boy though.

While she stood admiring herself in the mirror, a thought flashed her mind. Carefully lifting her towel up her thy, she turned around to assess herself and gasped. His mark on her bottom was beautiful. It was a deep shade of red and didn’t hurt anymore unless she brushed her fingers against them. But his name burned beautifully against the pale of her skin. Tears welled her eyes. His brand on her was deeply emotional. Like he owned her, claimed her, marked her as his own. She stroked her finger gently on his name.

From the corner of her eye, she saw his tooth brush and a strange desire tugged at her heart. A desire to touch and taste him.

Taking his brush in his hand, she brushed her thumb against the soft bristles and smiled. It was wet. He had used it.

Without giving a thought, she layered it with the paste and stuck it in her mouth. The feeling was exhilarating. It felt wrong and dirty, yet it felt exciting. She squealed while brushing her teeth quickly before he returned. Strange electric sensations flooded her belly. Advay’s brush was in her mouth. Brushing had never felt this exciting.

“What the fuck.’ A chill ran down her spine to find his reflection glaring down at her in the mirror. She quickly washed her mouth with plain water and fidgeted around with the brush in her hand, thinking of ways to hide it. But he had seen her and there was no running now. It was what it was. She had brushed with his tooth brush and that was a fact. She ran her thumb over the bristles and waited from him his unleash his outrage.

“What was that?’ His voice as gritty, “Why did you do that?’

“I wasn’t planning on leaving it behind,’ She shrugged, stunned she could talk despite her trembling self, “you can get yourself a new one.’

“That was not my question.”

A dark lust seethed through his eyes.

Watching her with his brush in her mouth had been one of the most erotic moments of his life. One that made him want to rip her towel and fuck her raw against the bathroom wall. But she was still sore from the previous night, he reminded himself. And then they had the events of the night to discuss, events he hadn’t been proud of. But the image had left him at a loss for words while making him incredibly aroused. But more than that it made him well with love. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her.

“Chandini,’ His voice cracked as he took a step towards and held her face in his hand, “Why did you do that?’

She continued fidgeting with the brush in her hand.

“Tell me Jaan.’ His voice ached with anguish.

“I wanted to.’ She breathed lifting her gaze to his.

“Why?’

She shrugged. Though the answer was obvious.

“You have barely known me a month, meri Jaan,’ He struggled to contain his tears, “We have barely been married a week. You hardly know me. Don’t do this to yourself.’

“We have seven lives to get to know each other.’

“Chandini,’ He clenched his eyes shut, stopping himself from crushing his lips to hers, “Six months,’ He said instead, “we only get six months with each other Jaan…. nothing more.’

“Haan, six months in this life,’ She smiled, despite his words slicing through her heart, “that’s fine. We can get to know each other when we meet again in another life.’

“Chandini stop,’ He crushed her to his chest. She was falling for him, he knew it, could see it in her doe eyed gaze. The hopeless fool that she was.

But instead of worrying or moping about his words, she hummed to herself and played with the buttons on his chest.

“Have your shower, I am waiting for you outside.’

Stepping aside and taking in a deep breath, he finally let go of her. But couldn’t help but notice the brush she had hidden behind her back.

“Put it back.’

“Huh?’

“I said, put it back from wherever you nicked it from.’ He nodded at the brush in her hand.

Her shoulders drooped in defeat. She had been hoping to keep it in her bathroom leaning against her brush, deluding herself to believe that he shared the room with her. But his hawk like eyes never missed anything.

“But,’ She whispered, “I have used it now. What use is it for you?”

“I need it.’

“I need it.’ She pouted. “I have used it.’

He narrowed his gaze. It was his brush and now that she had used it, it was all the more precious. He was going to have to get it back.

“It’s my brush which you used without my permission.’

“Haan toh…but.’

“Don’t argue, I need my brush back.’

“Why?’

“Because I need to use it.’

“Are you going to use it?” A smile played at the corners of her lips.

“Put it back,’ He growled struggling to keep a straight face.

“Hmm…. How long have you known me?’ Giggling to herself, she put the tooth brush back in the container and tightened the knot on her towel, “how long have you been married to me? Don’t do this to yourself, JEE.’

It was a taunt, she was hurling his words back at his face. He pursed his lips, not that he cared.

“But the rules are different for you, aren’t they JEE?’

“Stop taunting me.’

“Or what?’ She licked her lips and tilted her face up to his.

Breathing heavily, he shifted on the balls of his feet. The room was small, wrapped in his towel, she was missing her clothes and he was losing his mind. His pinched his brows and calmed his heart. He had to control himself somehow.

“Why did you use it,’ He took a step forward and placed his hands on either side of the wall behind her, “tell me honestly. I need to know.’

Her eyes glistened with tears. The answer was obvious, she had fallen deeply in love with him, deeper than she had been before.

“I wanted to feel the taste of your mouth inside mine.’

Advay crushed his lips onto hers even before she had finished the sentence, and kissed her till all she could do was blink, and gasp for breath.

“Finish you shower.” He smacked on her ass and chuckled, as he left her dazed and trembling.

__

It was almost eleven. Advay paced up and down his room, while he waited for Chandini to emerge from the bathroom. The events of the previous night had relaxed him considerably, yet he was wound tight. Chandini and her innocent ways were only adding to the torment, and it wasn’t even a week. How was he meant to last the training without wanting to push her boundaries? Thinking of his whip, he knew what he ached for, but she was not ready for that yet.

But she did have a high pain threshold, there was no question there. And it bothered him all the more. The Chandini he knew as a delicate girl, whom he had pampered and cared for.

Sixteen years ago, hurting Chandini was a thought he wouldn’t have entertained even in his wildest dreams, yet here he was, a sadist who desired to watch her writhe and wince under him. When had it all changed? Or had it always been a dormant need within him? He wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, he was a man who enjoyed inflicting pain. That was a fact that he had come to terms with a long while ago. And now that was something Chandini too would have to embrace.

Finally, the door to the bathroom opened and Chandini stepped out wrapped in his black towel. The gold in her skin glowing in contrast to the black in the towel sent blood gushing down towards his groin. He groaned in despair. This was a torture, a sweet torture. Hence why he preferred a room of his own so he didn’t kill her with his insatiable hunger for her. Perhaps he should have gone to work after all.

And to make matters worse, Chandini flicked her damp hair behind her and stood before the mirror wiping her hair with her towel. She picked his paddle lying on the table again and giggled to herself running her fingers through the groove of his name.

Advay stood behind her and admired her beautiful form. Watching her admiring his name on the paddle was enough to drive him over the brink of sanity again. But instead, he focussed on the itch in his hand to rake his fingers through her damp hair. He finally relented and turned her around and slipped his fingers through her hair, letting the soft silky damp tresses slip through his fingers. This was one of the most therapeutic things he had ever done.

“Your hair,’ He closed his eyes and sighed, touching them to his lips, taking in a lungful of the sandalwood and rose of her shampoo, “so beautiful.’

He found her gazing at him when he opened his eyes again. Her hunger evident in her eyes. Would they ever tire of each other? Probably never. But it didn’t bother him. Just that she was still sore from the previous night kept haunting his mind. He took a step forward and slipped his hand from under her towel to rest on her bottom.

“Does his hurt?’ His voice was coarse.

She shook her head softly, wanting him to continue with whatever he had on mind.

“Turn around. Bend down. Show me my name.’

Bunching her towel up to her waist, Advay gasped at the bruises glistening on the cream of her ass. They were beautiful. Perfect. Just like he liked it. His own arousal stood stiff in his trousers driving all thoughts of sanity through the roof. But he had to control himself.

He stroked her bottom gently and rubbed in some more of the soothing cream, while revelling in the beauty of the mess he had made of her skin.

“Do you like it?’

“Hmm.’ Chandini moaned at the grit in his voice, “it’s perfect.’

“It is perfect.’

He knelt on one knee and kissed the name shimmering in red.

“Chandini?’ It was a question. She knew he was asking. Asking for what was his to take.

“Chandini?’ He stood up to his feet and brushed his lips to hers. His mind at war with his body. And her soft moans only adding to his agony.

“Yes.’

“What?’ His narrowed gaze locked with her lusty eyes.

“Yes.’

“No,’ He stepped back.

“Yes,’ She clasped on the paddle and stepped forward.

“No, no, no, no,’ He groaned raking his hair in despair. She had lost her ability to reason a long while ago. But he was responsible between the two of them. Responsible for his actions and responsible for her.

“We need to talk,’ He said finally. “There are things we need to discuss.’

Her knees trembled at the desire that coursed through her viens. The events of the previous night had unleashed a primal hunger within her. Her gaze flickered from his eyes to his mouth until it finally settled on the bulge in his trousers.

“Don’t fucking look at me like that, dammit,’ He snapped, “I can’t hurt you anymore than I already have.’

“I am fine,’ Her voice was thin despite the desire that coursed thick through her veins.

“No, you are not.’

“Last night wa…’

“Last night,’ He interrupted, choking on the tears he was holding on to with his dear life, “I am sorry about last night, Chandini. I am truly sorry. I lost control. Let my demons get the better of me. I hurt you.’

“It’s fine.’ She gave him a half smile, “I love the marks. I wanted it. I wanted your name on me.’

Advay closed his eyes, anguished at what he had done. At why she was smiling at despite everything. He could never let control slip through his fingers like it had. Could never let her call the shots. He was the master here and this was his show. Anger now surged in his veins again. At her. At himself.

“What you did last night was not acceptable.’ He said, reining back his emotions under his control.

A shiver ran down her spine when he opened his eyes and held her gaze in his cold stare.

“So…Sorry.’

“Sorry never works in my world pet,’ He said with a smirk, “when a pet steps her line, I intend to teach her a lesson. There will consequences for what you did last night.’

“Bu..’

“Don’t ever,’ He clenched his jaw, “Don’t ever fucking argue with me.’

He raked his hair in despair, it was his fault, he should have never waited this long to train her.

“You are doing that again now,’ He snapped, “forcing me to lose control.’

“But…I.’

“Now you see why you need training,’ He spat, “When a master says no, a slave knows not to push his boundaries. A trained slave never tops her master from the bottom, never ever dares snatch his control from him, because there are dire consequences then, if that was to happen.’

She studied him with widened eyes, clueless to whatever he was telling her.

“But…’ She breathed.

“What do you think is going to happen if a man like me loses his control?’ He snapped, “is all this a joke for you?’

She shook her head trapped in his dark gaze. He had lost his cool at the snap of finger again. She clutched the paddle to her heart, hoping his name would protect her from his furious gaze searing into her bones.

“Last night…I could have seriously hurt you, you fool.’ He snapped. Taking the paddle from her hand he broke it into half and threw it on the floor, “I could have killed you.’

“No,’ She shrieked at the snap of the leather, “No…. Why?’

Tears pooled in her eyes at the sight of her favourite paddle snapped in half lying on the floor. She knelt to pick it and studied it with glistening eyes. It was broken beyond repair, just like her heart. Why was he so cruel? Always.

“I should have never given it to you,’ He said with a hiss, “it’s my fault. I didn’t realise you have a fucking fetish for my name.’

She stood trembling while her tears trickled at first and then streamed down like a river.

“Stop,’ He groaned. What had he landed himself into? “Why are you crying? It’s only just a paddle. You didn’t cry this much last night when I hurt you bad.’

“That hurt,’ She held the broken paddle to her heart and finally sobbed, “it hurt a hundred times worse than last night…… and it hurt here.’

Advay clenched his eyes shut as soon as she pointed to her heart.

“This one was my favourite.’

“Don’t cry,’ He groaned to himself. Where had he trapped himself? He hadn’t expected her to like kink in the first place. And now she had left him speechless with her strange fetishes. A fetish for his name that was heart wrenching yet endearing. One that drove him wild with the need to fulfil her demand.

“Come here,’ Finally calming himself, he drew her in his arms and kissed her on her forehead, “Don’t cry. I’ll get you another one of those. Okay.’

“Promise,’ She held her pinky to him, sniffling to herself.

“Hmm.” He wiped her tears and kissed her moist face.

“You are meant to hook your pinky into mine and make a promise.’

“What­­…. How old are you?”

“Eight.”

“Chandini.’ He wrapped her tighter in his arms. This was the worst torture of his life, holding the girl he loved while hurting her so deeply.

“Will you really get me another one of those?’ She lifted her hopeful gaze to him and sniffled.

“I will.”

“With your name on it?”

“Hmm.”

“Thanks.” And just like that she was smiling again.

Agony and guilt washed all over him again. This was the worst chapter of his life. Even worse than watching his mother burn, would have to be burning the girl he loved with his own hands. Could he watch her burn? He didn’t know for sure. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. But all he knew was that he would burn with her.

---

Author’s note

This is a rather sweet chapter, and how I miss this Chandini honestly. I wish she comes back. As of Advay, he just simply doesn’t know what to do with her, or with himself too. SIGH!

Love Chitra