Chapter 4 – AND Adni FF

---

Adni FF

Adni FF, IPK3, Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon, Entrapment, Advay Singh Raizada, Chandini Yash Narayan Vashisht.

---

When Veer returned and gave the girls bars of kitkats, they clapped, but Advay smiled when they didn’t eat it right away, and instead looked at their mother for permission. 

“You can share one between the two of you.” Chandini nodded. “You have to eat dinner too.”

And as the girls clapped again and waited for Advay to open the wrapper for them, “Did you two thank your Mausaji?” She looked at her daughters.

“Thank you Mausaji,” they chimed.

“Chacha, please. Not Muasaji.” Veer scrunched his face at that word, while sharing a kitkat with his girl. 

But Chandini muffled back a chuckle. “Arey par, if Shikha is their Maasi, you will be their Mausaji.”

“Nahi Bhabhi, Chacha.”

Chandini threw a sideward glance at her ‘lost to his girls’ husband, who was also her Dev, waiting for him to explain why Veer was their daughters’ Chacha as well as their Mausaji too. 

But when he continued to be lost to his girls, she cleared her throat and continued her argument, “They have a Chacha. They don’t have a Mausaji. You will be their Mausaji.”

“What?” Snapping the kitkat into half, Veer snapped. “Who Chacha? I am their only Chacha.”

“Murli is their Chacha. They don’t need another Chacha.”

But she chuckled when Veer’s face turned sour and he glared at Shikha. 

She instantly came to his defence. “Par Jiji, they have a Mausa too. Sid Jijaji. He can be their Mausa.”

“Na rey, Baba. Sid is my brother. He will be their Mamaji.”

Veer smacked his head a few times, wanting to strangle his brother who had not once defended him. 

“Mausa se kya problem hai?” Shikha elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Sounds like Ranjit Mausaji,” he whispered back. “And why should I be a Mausa when I’m the Chacha?”

Chandini had heard the last part of his hiss, and she chuckled again to herself in mischief. Yet, when she glanced at her husband, she couldn’t help sigh. 

Now her two girls had jumped on top of him, and were tickling him back, while he continued ticking them. And it was a sight to behold. She wanted to click a few pictures, and she did just that. 

As she gazed at the pictures, and then at her man again, she couldn’t help watch in awe at how good he was with kids. Whether they pulled his hair, or beard, or demanded a kiss, or expected his undivided attention, he was fully there for them, without once moaning or complaining.

But then he had always been good with children. She too had once been a child around him, when he had pampered her and spoilt her all the time.

She remembered all the times when he had spent all his pocket money on her bangles, or on buying her whatever she demanded for. She remembered how one time Kausar had a brand new colour pencil set, and she had wept for it. While her mother had made excuses for not having the money for it, Dev hadn’t once hesitated before emptying his pockets.

He had not just got the exact same set, but had got her a colouring book too, and had sat beside her, and watched her while she had laid on his bed, and had coloured the pictures, and then his nose too.

With her tears welling again, she wanted it all back, she wanted her childhood back, she wanted her Janaki Maa and her Mahant Baba back. But most of all, she wanted her Dev back.

But he didn’t want her. The reminder of that painful fact sliced through her heart. She was still his mother’s murderer. And he was still Dev Kashyap who didn’t forgive easily. And now he was married to the girl on his chest. And was probably here to take away her children from her.

As fear settled again, swallowing back her tears, she gazed at her girls giggling in his arms, and she smiled ruefully. What if her childhood had been robbed from her. At least they’d have their childhood. And perhaps they’d have the love of their father too. At least, for just one evening.

As she plated the noodles, the sting was back in her heart. Her life was yet again a mirage, from one day to another.

And the mirage before her right now was beautiful. Of that of her Dev and their daughters.

Her eyes shifted to the clock. He might leave them soon, but a piece of him would always remain with her, as her two beautiful daughters, and she was forever indebted to him for that.

Five minutes later, Chandini and Shikha brought out the bowls of noodles. 

“Do you want to sit at the table?” she asked Veer, although no sure on how she was meant to accommodate them all at her modest dining table, which only had three working chairs, and the fourth standing there on wobbly feet just for the sake of symmetry.

“Naa, Bhabhi.” Much to her relief Veer slumped to the floor and sat crossed legged. “I prefer eating on the floor.”

Shikha too joined him, and before Chandini knew it, Advay was pushing the coffee table to make room for himself. 

Both her monkeys continued to adorn his lap the moment he sat down. But as soon as she sat beside him, her darling Adu, jumped into her lap, much to her relief. She would always be her favourite, she knew, while she glanced at Vinu, who like her was drawn to her father the most.

“I’ll eat with Maa.” Adu kissed Chandini on her mouth, and waited for her feed her. 

Advay frowned, and glanced at the child in his arms, still unable to tell them apart. He then moved closer to the child on Chandini’s lap but she turned her face when he was about to kiss her.

“Adu only kisses me on the mouth,” Chandini whispered with pride, seeing what his confusion was.

Advay nodded, but Chandini shivered when his eyes glinted with evil.

“Is that why you think she’s like me?” His gritty whisper stabbed straight between her legs, making her feel things she hadn’t felt in so long now.

“Hm…please…please.” She looked down at this bowl to distract herself. “Fe…feed Vinu from her bowl, please. It has less spice.”

Reaching for a glass of water, she gulped down a sip and blew out  a breath, but when she glanced at him, she froze to find him gazing at her from under his hooded eyes.

“I’ll feed my pet first.” Still whispering in his gritty voice, he twisted his fork in his bowl, and held it up for her. The word ‘pet’ had done its trick, the pet in her opened her mouth and ate out of his hand without the need for persuasion. 

Advay stuck the spoon into his mouth, and moaned. “You know I always start with dessert.”

“I got dessert.” Veer instantly replied.

“Oh I forgot to serve dessert.” While Chandini was still lost to her husband’s passionate eyes, Shikha hopped to her feet and ran into the kitchen.

“Here Jiju.” When she placed a bowl in front of him, he frowned. 

“I got ice-cream.” Veer protested.

“Jiji made halwa,” Shikha replied.

“You made this for me?” Still lost to his gaze, Chandini nodded as he rasped again. 

“Won’t you feed me?” he asked.

With her heart stopping for a beat, she wanted to nod, but reaching for his spoon, she instead fed the child on his lap, and chuckled, when she licked the spoon. 

“Me too.” Her Adu asked.

“Yes, you too.” Kissing her cheek, she fed her too, and kept her gaze averted from him, yet fully aware that he was still gazing at her, with disappointment perhaps. 

But he was married, she reminded herself. He had left her a long while ago. And she had let go of him too, in the holy Ganga. And this acquaintance was only for one evening, just for her girls, so they got to spend time with their father. There were so many questions. Why was he here was the first one burning on her tongue? And how had he found her was the next?

But she didn’t want answers, she wanted to watch her girls laugh and giggle for as long as she could. Their happiness was all that mattered to her now. And spending time with their father was their right, and she couldn’t take it away from them, not when her girls were so excited around him.

Once dinner came to an end, and Chandini cleared the table, Advay hadn’t made any more small talk, she had noted. His smile too had faded, and now there was a hint of sadness to them.

Something wasn’t right with him, she felt it in her gut. And she couldn’t help feel sorry for him, and frowned to see how lost his eyes seemed.

What was she was missing? Standing behind the kitchen counter as she watched her girls lick their ice-cream, she studied him at leisure. While he kept his arms possessively wound around his girls, his thumb kept grazing against the ring on his finger. Her heart stopped again, it was obvious he was missing his wife.

Of course he was, with another pinch in her heart she began scrubbing the worktop. This was why she had never wanted to see him again. How was any women meant to watch the man she loved with another woman? She wondered how his wife looked. Was she beautiful? Tall? Slim? Unlike her. Her heart had lusted to see his wife once, just once, but her best friend and counsellor Anne had advised against it, lest she slip into depression again.

When the clock chimed nine, it was time to put the girls to bed. But she didn’t have the heart to take them away from his arms, given how they were now playing with his beard again.

But it had to be done, they had school the following morning.

“Alright, then, are we going to brush our teeth?” Stepping back into the hall, she clapped at the two. 

It was a routine that Anne had advised she put in place, and she was surprised when they kissed their father and ran to the bedroom without the need to be persuaded. Training, she thought with a sigh. Was this how training affected the mind? She was trained too. And the thought of what she’d turn into just at the snap of his finger, made her shudder.

Yet, when her gaze shifted to Advay, and she watched how his empty eyes followed his daughters as they ran into the bedroom, Chandini’s heart broke into pieces.

“I think we should make a move too.” Veer stretched. “What do you say Bhai?”

But Advay remained slumped on the floor, with his eyes glued to the bedroom door.

“Do you want to put them to bed?” she asked. 

He shot his eyes to her eyes, and she sighed at how they glittered with tears. 

Nodding, he instantly got up to his feet. 

“Have you done this before?” Once inside the tiny bedroom, she turned the bathroom light on, and laughed as her girls ran inside and splashed water at each other. 

“Hmm…with a baby though. Although her routine is different.”

Chandini’s heart stopped at the mention of a baby. So he did have a baby. A baby girl.

“How old is she?” Not wanting him to see her fallen face, she stepped into the bathroom, and helped her girls brush, while Advay leaned against the door frame and gazed them all. 

“A little less than six months.”

“Aw. She must be so cute.”

“Hmm…she is.”

“Is her mother well?” Not wanting to say wife, she went down the usual route of referring to this woman as the mother of the child. 

“Yes, she had a C-section. But she’s better now.”

“Oh!” Chandini sighed. “C-sections can be painful. Especially later when you still have to care for the child.”

“Hmm…” He nodded, and she waited with hopeful eyes, hoping he’d asked her about her pregnancy, and labour too. 

But when he laughed at his girls as they swished their mouth with mouth-wash and stuck their tongue out at each other, Chandini smiled to herself ruefully. Why would he care for her now, when he had a wife at home and a six month child? When had he cared for her anyways? The thought hung heavy over her.

“I miss her so much,” he continued.

Not wanting to hear anymore, Chandini opened the wardrobe and removed her girls’ pyjamas, but he leaned back into the wall and smiled. “In fact, I wonder what she must be doing now……she hasn’t been keeping well lately.”

“Oh!” Although her heart kept pinching at how fondly he was talking about his daughter, she helped her children out of their clothes. Despite the gloom, she was also felt relieved to know he had a child. Which meant there was nothing to worry perhaps.

But with her dark Master worry was a integral part, she had come to learn first hand. Nothing he did or said was purposeless. Even now this child he was mentioning about, how was it relevant to her. Maybe he was mentioning just to hurt her, maybe to tell her how much this child meant to him, over and above her children. 

Hurting her gave him immense pleasure, there was no question there. And as he continued, she realised that was exactly his intention. To wound her, even after all these years.

“Actually, even I cannot live without her,” he continued, as she brushed her daughters’ hair one after the other, and plaited them.

“In fact, she is the apple of my eye. And I can’t wait to go back to hold her in my arms again.”

“Papa.” When her poor little Vinu stretched her hand out for her father, Chandini turned so he didn’t see her tears. How was she meant tell her child, her Papa would rather go home and cuddle his six-month-old daughter? 

But she quickly wiped her tears, not wanting to give him the pleasure of knowing how deeply his words had wounded her. And she also gave herself a mental slap at allowing him to affect her after all these years. She had let go of him, reminding herself, she reached for the collar to let her fingers graze against the grooves of his name on the inside, to calm herself . He was no longer her husband. In fact, he never was her husband. It was an arrangement, an six-month agreement, that had finally come to an end as agreed

“Will you sleep next to me, Papa?” Chandini’s heart shattered again at the sweet love with which her child demanded for her father.

It had been easier until the previous year, but from this year on they had started to ask uncomfortable questions about their father, especially Vinu, who was drawn to her father the most, even in his absence. She had sometimes found her sit before his portrait and talk to him. Or get up on top of a chair and rest her head on his chest. Perhaps she was mimicking her, or perhaps it was her own inherent need for her father 

But now she was worried on how her child would handle herself once he was gone? She was very emotional, and sensitive too. She’d sob her heart, she knew. And sighed at a few sleepless nights that awaited her.

To distract herself, she glanced out to the living and smiled again to find Shikha gazing at her husband with all love in her heart. And Veer too had his arm around her, and his fingers twined into hers. 

“They look so happy together.”

“Hmm. They are. Although they squabble all the time.”

“All happy couples do,” she whispered, while smiling at how her child had now shifted on his chest, and had hooked her tiny little leg over him while gazing at him with puppy eyes. 

“To disagree, yet to give in to each other is a sign of true love,” she added, but frowned to find his tears escaping the corners of his eyes, as he wrapped his arms around Vinu and kept his lips pressed to her forehead.

Chandini felt a tingle on her forehead too, and she looked away. “Hmm….When are you going back to Prayag?”

“Hmm…Not immediately.” He rested his cheek on the child in his arm.

Chandini glanced at the space beside him on the bed, but the thought of sharing a bed with him was so terrifying, she picked her Adu and sat upon a chair and patted her to sleep.

“Why are you sitting there?” He slithered further to the edge of the bed. “There is enough space here.”

“No its fine…”

“Maa.” Vinu called for her too, and she didn’t have it in her to not cuddle the little one. Her father was here only for a fleeting moment, but she was used to sleeping to her lullabies. 

With her baby in her arms, she strode back to the bed and gazed at the empty space next to the child. There had been so many nights when she had laid in this bed, beside her children, with her gaze on his picture, longing with the desire of him sharing the bed with her and her daughters. Of them all sleeping together as a family. 

And now that the moment was here, instead of jubilance, she felt a sting of sadness.

Slowly lowering the child in her arms, she slid beside her, and patted the other child too. But the bed wasn’t big enough, for her and two kids and a hulk of a man.

She pushed the girls together, and slid closer, but her head touched the hand he had stretched across the bed, and she sat up with a jolt. But Advay closed his eyes and sighed.

“The….the bed…bed isn’t too big…sorry.” 

“Its perfect.” He turned to his side and kept his gaze on her.

She slipped on the bed again, her heart pounding in her chest. Four and a half years, and here they were, back beside each other on the same bed. Only that they had two sweet girls between them now. Girls they had made together. She with all the love in her heart, and he with the passion he had for her. Lust, she reminded herself. With the lust he had for her.

But as she leaned to kiss the child closest to her, she sniffled back her tears, lust or whatever, she wasn’t complaining. Her girls had been worth every teardrop and every drop of blood that still trickled out of her broken heart.

“Princess story.” Adu pouted at him.

“Haven’t you forgotten?” he groaned. 

“They have very good memory, like their father.” She chuckled, and couldn’t help chuckle some more when he rolled his eyes. 

“Alright….There was once a rogue, an outcast, a terrible terrible man.” She raised her bow when his eyes roved all over the room and finally settled on her. “He stole a beautiful princess, and kept her locked in his tower.”

As the two girls blinked with wide-eyes, Chandini too widened her eyes, intrigued by this story.

 “He hurt her all the time, made her cry, tortured her…..told her she was no longer a princess but a slave.”

“I don’t like this man.” Adu scrunched her face, but a tear slipped down Chandini’s cheek.

“Hmm…”

“So did the prince come and take her away?” Vinu asked.

“No….” He choked. “She found a gap in the wall one day, and slipped out of his tower.”

“And then married a prince and lived happily ever after.” Adu clapped. 

“No.” Chandini kissed her forehead. “Some princesses don’t get princes. They only get two beautiful roses.”

As Advay shot his eyes to her, she rested her cheek on her daughter’s head and patted them to sleep while humming her Janaki maa’s lullaby.

“Papa.” Vinu lifted her eyes to him. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

Chandini held back her tears with everything she had, but she frowned, when nodding at her, Advay leaned to kiss her forehead.

And with that assurance, her sweet child closed her eyes and fell asleep with a smile on her lips. The smile she had inherited from her father, her grandmother too. 

When he leaned to kissed that smile, he had realised that too, she knew. But she continued patting Adu to sleep, not wanting to ask him what he had meant by he’d be there in the morning. And if it was a lie, she smiled at what a beautiful lie it was. At least, it had fooled her child into sleeping now. Although the thought of her sobs the following morning squeezed her heart.

She’d call Anne, she thought. Anne always had a way to distract them.

But when she glanced to her side again, she frowned to find him gazing at her with such warmth it made her heart well.

“You haven’t changed one bit,” he breathed. “Still so beautiful, glowing, exactly like how you did that morning”

Her cheek heated up, but she laughed. “Beautiful? I’ve gained so much weight.”

“Have you?” The moment his gaze slid over her, she regretted having drawn attention to her curves. She was a mother now. And thanks to her daughters, she had gained a few extra layers around her waist, along with a few scars too. But what was she meant to do with the wounds on her heart which didn’t want to heal, and which were now scraped open all over again.

“Chandini.”

“Jee?” 

She frowned when he closed his eyes and sighed again, yet he opened his eyes to hold her gaze, and whispered, “I like this bed….its the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in.”

She laughed, at such a beautiful lie that was. “Its not big. And these two little monkeys turn and toss a lot. They take up most of the bed.”

“We can still fit into it,” he rasped.

“No, we cannot.” She continued chuckling. In the middle of the night either you or I would have fallen off the bed.

“Not if you sleep on top of me.”

Her heart stopped. And she blinked, once, twice before gulping her breath.

“God I’ve missed you so much.” With his whisper now a delicious hiss, he reached for her hand, and slowly brushed his mouth to the inside of her wrists, making her shiver, and moan too.

As her gaze locked with his dark deep eyes, she felt like how she had all those years ago when she had crashed into him, confused, yet trapped in his hypnotic gaze.

Advay drew her hand closer, forcing her to move closer to him. Chandini sighed when his hand cupped her cheek next, the warmth of his touch soothing the burn of her heart.

And before she knew it, with his dark passion-filled eyes locked on her, Advay had inched closer, and closer. Struggling to breath, think, or even move, she locked her lips and closed her eyes. Four and a half years, since the musk of his cologne had suffused into her being again. Four and a half years since she had felt his hot rapid breaths against her cheek. 

Four and a half years since she had tasted the bitter-sweet of his passionate mouth.

As she tilted her face to meet his lips. “Jiji.” The softest whisper jolted her out of her trance, and she sat up with a jolt.

____

Author’s note

Damm! Shikha! HAHA! Writing this book is pure pleasure. And I can’t believe this website is now up and running. 

Do comment and let me know what you thought of it.

Love Chitra