Standing on top of the steps of the ghat, Advay wound her mangalsutra around his wrist, right beside his mother’s chain and kept his gaze to the river. Dark, cold, gushing, relentless— the great mother.

“She gives us everything….she can take all that we have too.” Chandini’s words from that morning echoed in his ears. She had been hinting at the inevitable all the while. He had not been listening.

“Bhaiyya.” Murli patted softly his back again.

Turning around, Advay stumbled but Karan and Murli held him so he didn’t collapse. And as he staggered back the few miles back to the temple, his gaze fell on Murli’s hand.

“Whats that in your hand, Murli?” It was the first time he’d spoken since morning.

“Bha..Bhabhi’s jooti.” Murli whispered. He had found them at one corner of the ghats where she’d gone missing. She had even taken her shoes off before stepping into the waters.

Advay kept his gaze on her pretty slippers with tiny red and pink roses embroidered all over them. Murli handed it to Advay without him asking for it.

Advay stroked the rosed fondly and chuckled at how tiny her jhootis were. How many times he’d slipped it on her feet. How many times he’d taken it off her feet. She had a wardrobe full of expensive designer shoes, yet these were her favourites. Unlike the others, these weren’t expensive…But knew where he’d got them from, from a fair at the Triveni Sangam, for less than two hundred rupees.

“She had a pair like this when she was a child…my Maa had got it for her.”

A rueful smile stretched his lips, but tears too somehow found their way in his eyes again, and he glanced at the gushing river as he choked on her tears.

“She’s doesn’t even have her slippers on, Murli. Her feet…they’re so soft. There are pebbles everywhere…she’ll hurt herself.”

But Murli didn’t know how to console him. He had been thinking the same when he’d found those slippers in the morning.

And as they strolled back to the spot where she’s left his hand, he stopped on top of the ghats and gazed at that exact place again. His mind still unwilling to believe the events of the day. His heart still hoping to find her sat there in one corner, glancing over at him with her sweet smile.

But there was only darkness now. Pitch, black, eerie darkness, with nothing but the roar of the river drowning every other noise.

They stood there for a few moments, till Murli patted his back again.

But when he turned, he collapsed. The sight of the temple courtyard, the banyan tree, the temple itself, the millions of red threads fluttering in the in the cool breeze…..and the Haveli at the distance. He gasped back a sob, every memory knocking him back again. His childhood, his mother, his father, his brother….and now Chandini too.

Her giggles and her pouts kept flashing everywhere he looked. How was he meant to span across the courtyard that had his entire life strewn all over it.

Wiping his tears, he clenched his jaw—he had to look for her, why the fuck was he here, wasting time.

He turned around again to sprint down to the ghats, but her rueful smile from that morning…and her words made him freeze to the spot.

“I set you free. I give myself up.”

She had left him….with her own will. Where was he meant to go looking for her? And the river itself, she’d swallow everything in her path. And his Chandu was a sweet delicate girl.

“Bhaiyya.”

With his heart ringing in his ears, Advay turned towards the Haveli…his body shuddering like a leaf as he stepped up the steps and onto courtyard.

Karan circled his shoulder from one side, shielding his view, so he didn’t have to see the tree. Yet, he couldn’t help the tears rolling down his face.

The next twenty-four hours are crucial, Sid’s voice echoed at the back of his mind.

She’s alive, a voice kept assuring him. Of course, she was, he nodded. She had to be. He knew she had to be.

The walk back to the Haveli from the Banyan tree was the longest walk of his life…He had the last six months to span. Along with the eight precious years of his life too when she had been a part of it.

He hadn’t realised how far the Haveli was from the temple until now. But then he’d always had Chandini with him….Time had slipped by whenever they’d walk together, hand in hand, their arms brushing, her gaze catching his from under her lashes, her cheek turning a gorgeous crimson…and her teeth digging into her lip.

His heart kept clenching and squeezing, wanting to take her in his arms again, wanting to feel her softness crushed into him, wanting to feel her warmth pressed into him…but where the fuck was she?

And he stilled for a minute when he reached the spot where she’d crashed into him the first time, his tears poured down his face. Just that morning, she been beside him….yet now.

“Let’s go.” Karan patted him.

With heavy feet, Advay dragged himself into the gate leading to the Haveli.

And the moment Murli turned the key and opened the door, Advay stepped inside and gasped for breath. As though the Haveli itself wasn’t a memorial unto everyone he’d loved and lost, the pretty sight of her red stained feet, landed a punch to his gut. His legs finally gave way and he collapsed to the floor.

“Bhaiyya.” Murli clutched him from one side while Karan gripped him from another.

“I have look for her, Murli,” he touched her footprints and wept. “I have to go back.”

“We will, Bhaiyya…we will tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” He sobbed. “Fuck. Its after midnight.. Its so dark. She’s scared of dark, Murli. My Chandu…and the river is so cold.” He bit into his knuckles. “Where’s she, Murli? My beautiful wife. Where the fuck is she?”

And the thought of losing her made him shudder.

“Advay.” Karan patted his back. “You need to get some sleep. We’ll find her tomorrow.”

“How am I meant to sleep mate, when my wife is somewhere out there in the cold?”

Karan was stunned to find him not losing his temper for a change. But then they were all in the eye of a storm.

“Where is she…where’s my Chandini…I had her in my hand this morning…Her delicate fingers wrapped around mine….Chandu.” He broke into a sob. “I let her go….I should’ve gripped tighter…Its all my fault.”

Karan and Murli exchanged worried glances.

“Bhaiyya.” He squeezed Advay’s shoulder.

“I have to find her, Murli.” Advay gasped between his sobs. “I have to find her. I must find her. She cannot leave me like this….I must go back.”

“We’ll find her.” Karan sighed, gripping his shoulder to help him get back to his feet. “Now lets go upstairs.”

“I can’t go home.” He remained slumped at the bottom of the stairs. “I cannot go back without her….”

“But you must if you want to have the strength to look for her all day tomorrow.”

“I cannot….I’ll stay here.” He curled around her footprints and kissed it a few times. “I’m fine here…leave me alone.”

___

The cackle of the birds outside made him grunt. Along with a soft wet mouth kissing him.

“Hmm…Chandini,” he growled, curling his arms around her waist, his body instantly turning hard and hungry for his wife.

But his wife didn’t feel soft and supple this morning, she felt rather hard.

Yet, his hand groped her from under her saree, his hands pushing up all the way up to her chest. He curled closer and pressed his arousal into her back, his mouth nibbling her ears.

But the strange licking continued.

“Hmm.” Groaning, and with his eyes still shut, he pulled her closer, his mouth now moving hungrily behind her ears, sucking her soft skin all the way down the curve of her neck, his hands now frantically searching for the swell of her breasts…wondering where the fuck they’d disappeared to….yet his erection continued poking deeper into her back.

And the moment he turned her around, got up on top of her and his mouth was about to clamp onto hers, he heard a loud howl. “Fucker, get off me.”

He shot his eyes open, his gaze widening in horror. It was a man’s voice…not his Chandini’s sweet yelp.

“Fucking Asshole.” Karan pushed him off with all that he had and scrambled away, wiping his cheek and neck in disgust.

Advay pulled back in horror and growled, “What the fuck are you doing in my arms?”

But Karan frantically pulled down his shirt and pushed Advay’s hand away that was still cupping his chest.

“Fuck sakes.” Karan glanced down at Advay and looked away. “Get yourself in order mate….stuff urself back in your pants…asshole.”

“What the fuck is going on here?” Raking his hair, Advay sat up and looked around. He was lying at the bottom of the stairs, while Karan, still in his jeans and tee was lying beside him.

“Yeah, you tell me that asshole…thought you were a married man. Thought you never did men….and the last fucking thing I needed was to wake up, with your morning wood poking in my back and your mouth about to suck onto mine.”

“Asshole, I thought it was my wife.” Advay hissed back, but found a confused looking Murli lying on top of one of the steps, his hand massaging his stiff neck, his gaze too trying to gather where they all were.

“Is that how you wake your wife up.” Karan glared at him. “That’s rape, bastard?”

“Shut the fuck up, will you?” he hissed, he always did it because it was one of Chandini’s fantasies, to be woken up rudely.

And while his mind struggled to comprehend with what was happening, the silly wet licking continued much to his despair.

“What the….” He glanced to his side to find Gilu all over him.

“Get off…Chandini… Mind your dog.” He got up to his feet and dusted himself with a frown. He was in a dhoti, what the fuck, he thought.

“Chandini.” He ran up the stairs, but stopped with a groan. It was too early in the morning, she was perhaps still sleeping. She had been exhausted for so long now.

“Karan.” He glanced over. “Do you know any good psychiatrists?”

“What?” Karan was now dusting himself, his mind too still struggling to get to grips with what they were all doing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Psychiatrist, Asshole. The one who reads mind and helps those with mental ailments.”

“Thank goodness, you’ve finally accepted you’re ailing, mentally.”

“Not for me, asshole, for my Chandini.”

“Hmm.” Karan raked his hair and stretched. “I’ve spoken to Inder….he knows someone.”

“Alright, let me make tea….you want coffee.”

“Please, and add some milk…don’t like it bitter.”

“Your mouth makes up for the bitterness anyways.”

“Asshole, I’m renowned to have a sweet fucking tongue.”

“Yeah, fucking smooth bastard.” Swearing, Advay sprinted up the stairs and disappeared into the longe.

But Karan sat at the botton of the stairs and massaged his neck. And the moment his gaze met with Murli’s tear-filled eyes, a shock reverberated through his spine. Everything crashed upon him. He shot his eyes up to the top of the stairs to where Advay had disappeared.

“FUUUKK!!!” He ran up the stairs, as everything from the previous day kept flashing before him. Murli too ran after him. But they both came to a halt to find Advay busy crushing ginger in his pestle.

With tears, Murli gripped tight onto Karan’s arm. What were they meant to tell him? Had he not realised yet?

“Is my coffee ready, yet?” Wearing his nonchalance, Karan raked his hair and strode towards the kitchen, dragging Murli with him.

“I make tea first…..” Advay glared at him. “I like waking my Chandini up with a tea.”

“Bhaiyya,” Murli choked.

“Murli take the halwa out please.” He began straining the tea in her cup while he started the coffee machine to make himself an espresso.

“Are you here for breakfast?” He glanced at Karan.

Karan blew out a heavy sigh.

“Why they fuck are you here anyways?” Advay shook his head in despair, still unable to grasp what Karan had been doing beside him under the stairs.

“You need a shower, mate.” He checked Karan from head to toe.

“Asshole, you need to look at yourself.” Karan snapped back.

“Am I that bad?” Advay smoothed his hair as he collected his espresso and chose a cappuccino setting for Karan.

“Thats fine, will give me a reason to drag my beauty for a quickie in the shower….given how you fucked up my morning.” With a wink, he took Chandini’s cup and strode out of the kitchen wearing his usual evil smirk.

“Bhaiyya.” Murli breathed. Although his worried gaze was locked on Advay, he was calling out to Karan.

But without bothering to reply, Karan followed Advay on silent feet. Murli just a step beside him.

__

Advay opened a crack in Chandini’s bedroom door and stepped inside, ensuring he was as quiet as he could be.

But he frowned to find her bed empty. Had she already woken up? His heart fell in a gloom, given he’d hoped to sit beside her and gaze at her for a few moments before kissing her soft sweet mouth.

Shower probably, he nodded and put the cups on the nightstand, before opening the bathroom door.

But the shower was empty too.

He frowned…his mind still unable to join the pieces. He quickly stepped out and got down on his knee to check under the bed. Was she upset? What had they been doing the previous day?

It was empty under the bed too.

“Chandini.” He called out…but stopped, suddenly chuckling. She was in his room…of course. She loved sleeping in his room.

He went to pick the cups again…but then his gaze fell on something that glittered around his wrist.

A shiver first ran down his spine, before a bolt of lighting struck his heart— her Manglasutra.

His thoughts came back, frenzied and haggard, as his fingers grazed around the black beads.

He turned around to find Murli and Karan standing a few steps behind him, both gazing at him with pity.

Chandini, his heart clutched.

“I set you free.. I give myself up.” Her voice echoed and then he shuddered as he remembered the moment her fingers slip through his.

“Chandini.” He yelled and reached out for her as though it was happening right in front of him all over again.

But then she was gone…Everything flooded back. Everything single minute of the previous day.

“Chandini.” Jumping onto the bed, he pulled her neatly done sheets just to confirm he wasn’t dreaming. Her favourite throw too was still neatly strewn over the bed.

He searched all over her bed again…and it finally dawned upon him— she was gone. She’d been gone since the previous morning.

“Chandini, Chandini.” Sobbing, he clutched the throw to his heart and collapsed to his knees. He’d lost her…She’d left him.

“Bhaiyya.” Murli knelt beside him and gripped him tight.

“Where’s she, Murli? Where the fuck is she?”

“They’re still looking for her.”

“Fuck, what the fuck am I doing here.” He snapped. “I need to look for her…why the fuck am I wasting time here.”

And without another moments delay, he got up to his feet and ran out of her bedroom.

“Advay.” Karan ran after him too, so did Murli.

But Advay sprinted down the stairs and across the courtyard in a heartbeat. His Chandini had been missing for a whole fucking day and he had fallen asleep.

Tears poured down his cheek as memories of the time when hunger had clutched him the night after his mother’s demise flashed in his head. He had been aching for food instead of mourning for his mother.

But he had been a young boy then….yet now….how could he have let sleep claim him, when his wife was out there somewhere, cold and hungry, lost in the wilderness.

With disgust corroding his heart, he sprinted down the steps of the ghat and pounced into the river without a moment’s delay.

“Advay, fuck sake.” Sprinting after him, Karan panted for breath at the edge of the river, as he watched his friend get swept away in the river.

He was a good swimmer but he’d never ventured into a river, and never ever in one as gigantic as the Ganga.

“Bhai wait,” another voice yelled from beside him…and before he realised someone else had dived into the water too.

“Rohit.” He frowned at the boy panting beside him. “Who’s dived?”

“Shaheer.”

“When did you get here?”

“We never went home Bhai.” He sighed. “Shaheer, Rashid bhai, your bodyguard Terry bhai and a few of those slum people, everyone kept searching the waters almost all night, even after the divers went home.”

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

“You’re here too.” Karan gasped to find Sid behind him.

“Where else will I be?”

“Did you go home?”

“Nope.” Sid raked his hair. “We’ve all been searching all night.”

“Asshole why didn’t you tell me. I’d have come.”

“I needed you with Advay…Where the fuck is he?”

“Swimming, searching the river for Cha..…” Karan sighed heavily, unable to say Chandini’s name. “And that Shaheer is with him too.”

“Why the fuck are they still wasting time here in the waters? We’ve searched every inch of this place”

“You’re here too.” He glanced over at Marwa.

“I’ve talking to the fishermen.” Sid pursed his lips. “These men were fishing down the stream yesterday morning.” He pointed towards a group in deep discussion with Singh.

“And all night we enquired with as many people as we could up and down the banks.” Rohit slumped with a sigh.

“Any luck?”

“Not yet. Apparently the currents were treacherous yesterday. Their nets have all been wrecked….three boats went missing as well…we are looking for five fishermen too.”

“Fuck sake mate.”

“Bhaiyya.” Murli wiped his tears, unwilling to ask the inevitable.

“You’re gonna have to prepare yourself, Murli.” Sid patted him. “They’re saying its impossible to have survived those currents.”

When Murli broke into a sob, Karan blew out a sigh. “So, what now?”

“The…the…bo…body should…” Tears finally rolled down Sid’s cheek.

“Body?” Karan too choked. How were any one of them meant to witness such a grotesque moment of seeing the dead decaying body of a beautiful vibrant girl.

“He won’t survive the sight.” Karan wiped his tears. “He cannot….its impossible …fuck, to have to go through all this all over again.”

“We need to look for him, first.” Fear rose in Sid’s spine. “We cannot let him find her body.”

Karan and Murli too shot their worried eyes to Sid as his words dawned upon them.

“Get me a boat.” Sid yelled, sprinting down the ghats.

___

As Advay swam through the currents, the river beat him. Yet, she was calmer this morning than she had been the previous day.

Of course, you would be, his chuckled scornfully….she had done her job of wrecking his life.

“Chandini.” He yelled as he scored through the river with long sharp strides. He’d swam the deadly currents of the English Channel several times, and even during winters, the slow moving currents of the Ganga at Prayag was child’s play in compare….yet he knew in his heart that the previous day had been treacherous. No one could have matched the rivers rage.

And although she was calmer now, knowing the Ganga, it wasn’t impossible for her to change her currents, given how fickle she could be. And to add to her rage, her landscape was littered with boulders and marshes, along with all the dangerous broken pieces of logs and equipment and scraps of metal etcetera that she’d have swept down the valley.

He’d have to be careful too…he needed to keep his strength till he found his wife.

Twenty minutes on, he was still moving swiftly. And swimming downstream meant he’d have easily covered a few miles.

The water was still freezing cold, pricking into his bones like sharp painful needles. But he kept at his strides…his eyes searching for anything….

“Bhai.” He heard a familiar voice yelling from beside him.

“Shaheer?”

“There, look.” He pointed towards something at a distance.

The rising sun was glimmering over the river, making it a blinding view…yet when he squinted his eyes, his gaze finally landed on something fluttering at a distance.

“Fuck.” Gearing up, he increased his strokes, his heart flapping in hope, while Shaheer too kept up with his strokes.

__

About thirty minutes later as Sid, Karan and Murli rowed up towards the outskirts of the city, they finally found Advay lying upon a grimy marshland, his hand clutching onto a piece of cloth.

Shaheer was crouched beside him, patting him as though in a bid to comfort him.

“Advay.” Sid yelled as the boat got closer. The silt was knee deep and slippery, yet he jumped out of the boat and waddled towards where Advay was, submerged in gooey wet mud.

“Advay.” But Advay didn’t reply, he kept clutching the piece of fabric to his heart while his body shook in his sobs.

“Shaheer.”

“He’s fine…just.” Shaheer sighed.

“What the fuck is that?” Sid’s gaze fell on what Advay had in his hand.

“Is that?” He reached for the fabric as soon as he got close enough, to what looked like a piece of a saree. “Is it hers? Where the fuck did you find it?”

“Floating,” Shaheer choked on his tears “Floating in the river.”

“Where? Here?” Sid glanced around. “Where the fuck mate?”

Shaheer pointed to the middle of the river further down from where they were, while Advay continued to lay on the swamp, sobbing for his wife.

“Fuck.” Sid pulled out his radio and barked orders for divers to immediately get to where he was. They were miles away from the temple. If these were marshlands, the possibility of finding Chandini here was high.

Murli too jumped out of the boat and waddled up to Advay. But the moment his gaze fell on the piece of fabric, he broke into a loud sob. It was a piece of the saree she’d worn the previous morning.

“Murli calm down, we haven’t found her yet.”

But both he and Sid knew it was time to prepare themselves. Sid glanced over Karan but he kept his gaze was on Advay while tears poured down his eyes too.

“How will we find her?” Shaheer wiped his face, unwilling to give up hope. Chandini was all he had linking him to his past…he couldn’t lose her too.

“There are woodlands for miles around here….she could be there right? Maybe she’s hurt?” he asked hopefully.

“We can get Gilehri to search. We can also bring in more dogs.” And despite saying assuring words, Sid knew in his heart, his men would be looking for her body at the bottom of the river.

Karan was right, he thought, stepping closer to Advay, their friend would never survive the sight of her body when it would be found, it was best to get him out of here.

“Advay, mate, get into the boat, my men will search for her.”

“I need to search for her.” Advay sat up and wiped his tears.

“Yes, you will..we need to split up…You search the woodlands…with Shaheer and others…but at least get changed. And bring Gilehri along.”

Advay gazed at him for a beat, but nodding, he instantly got up to his feet and sprang into action. He was a man on a mission now. They had found her saree. Shaheer was right, she had to be around. He’d find her high and low…he’d look for her till the end of this world if he had to.

_______

Author’s note

My god, this chapter still sends goosebumps. But I also remember laughing at Advay and Karan’s early morning madness.

There were so many things about this chapter, but most of all I remember thinking I must be mental to embark on a journey without the female lead in it.

But thanks to all your wonderful people, who patiently kept reading, patiently kept hoping Chandini will return, and even when I wrote the final epilogue, you took the tragic ending in stride and with such grace.

Hence, “A new dawn” is a gift to all of you who allowed me to take risks, and to be true to this crazy plot, and its crazier characters.

Love you all loads.

Love Chitra